As a passionate person, I tend to throw myself fully into life. I give my all to my relationships, my dreams, my career, and my ideas. An inevitable byproduct of passion is feeling- and when one feels and cares about work in particular it can drive that person to reach great heights. In my circumstance, when all is going well in the office I leave for the day feeling accomplished and proud. When I’m met with a challenge that I can barely rise to with my current arsenal of skills, I feel drawn for energy. To put it simply- my chest tightens and I get scared.
I wear my truth on my sleeve, and as I come home to my husband after work the energy shows. When I’m concerned about a project at work I can feel myself bringing that energy into our home, into a meeting at a bar with my girlfriends, and quite simply affecting my energy and the energy of those around me.
Lately, I’ve been confronted with challenges at work that I’ve never dealt with. They are big. I work my damned hardest, and the challenges still seem like the mount Kilimanjaro of my career. I didn’t know what to do about this energy-sucking space I was finding myself in day after day. My friends and loved ones could surely feel my low energy, and I didn’t feel like me.
So I turned to the woman who always offers me sound advice- my Mom. Per usual, mom delivered the message and drove her point home.
My mom told me, “rather than pushing down what you’re feeling- talk about. If you keep ignoring it and avoiding the subject with the people who love you, it’ll only get worse. In fact, you should ask Omri (my husband) for his help. Spend ten minutes in the evening together to plan how you can work your way to succeed. He’ll be honored and proud to help you.”
Mom was right.
The people who care about us are usually more than happy to help. And those who give the help, feel proud that they were able to deliver service and meaning into someone’s live who they value.
I’ve had a bad habit in my life of not asking for help when I’ve most needed it. Though I’ve mostly broken that habit, I still hold back for fear of seeming needy. But that attitude only compounds the issue because we, as humans don’t live in a vacuum of our emotions and our mental status! Others can pick up on our mood and our energy- and it affects them too.
So, I asked Omri for some help and he was excited to help problem solve and be a part of my future success. Rather than keeping the problem “out of” my personal life, bringing it into my personal life actually created a shared sense of accomplishment and confidence for us both. For me, I felt supported and confident that I could succeed. And for him, he felt like a trusted advisor and a part of my success.
When in doubt, be honest and just ask for an ear to hear you out. You’ll get so much back in return. And that knot in your chest, it’ll slowly but surely disappear.